Late for the Sky
by Hunter Kid
Summary: An introspective piece about Ukyou: takes place post volume 38. A bitter young man comes to visit her one night in the Ucchan, and Ukyou is forced to come to grips with the reality of her relationship with Ranma.


"Where do you think you're going?"

"Just follow me."

Kuonji Ukyou scowled darkly, running soundlessly along on the metal fence behind the boy who had ruined her life, Saotome Ranma. As she had just discovered, it was Saotome Genma's fault that her life had been ruined, but Ranma shared in the blame, however unknowingly, and she couldn't bring himself to forgive him for that. Not yet. Not after all those years she'd spent, nursing her hatred, waiting for this moment of vengeance. The moment that should have been her time of glory.

Damn Ranma. He had turned out to be even more skilled than she was, vastly more skilled. And he had turned the tables on the field of combat, revealing her true gender, setting her on the run, very nearly defeating her.

And damn his father. Damn her own father for making that accursed promise. And damn herself for ever showing affection for the cold, heartless Ranma that she had now realized that he was.

"There it is."

Ukyou looked up from her dark thoughts of mangling Ranma like she'd mangled Genma, and saw the pigtailed martial artist leaping easily off the fence and snatching up her bent combat spatula, pulling it with his lean, well-muscled arms until it was straight and hard again. She scowled again. What was he doing?

"Here," he said, sighing. "Your spatula." He had a regretful look on his fine featured face and a faraway appearance in his blue-gray eyes. "I won't make any excuses." He swallowed slightly, but quickly hid the fact that he had done so. "Do what ya want to me." He said the last with a look of stern determination to take his punishment like a man.

_-He's done enough to deserve it_,- Ukyou noted with a slight growl emanating from her throat. She chuckled wryly, darkly. "All right then..." She smiled a small, wicked smile, hefting the steel spatula, ready to attack. "Expect no mercy! When you abandoned me..." Something - a tear, though she would have never admitted it - welled up in her eye, which she quickly blinked away, snarling. "...you made it impossible for me to ever again embrace my own feminity!" She tightened her grip on the spatula, charging at Ranma with a furious battle cry.

Ranma flinched. "Uh..." He leaped over her first wild, anger filled slash, laughing nervously. "Eh-heh...don't ya think you're overreacting?"

"Shut up!" Ukyou screamed, her eyes blazing with furious hatred. She lowered her voice dangerously as she brought back the weapon for another attack. "Since that dark day..." She charged. "...I've sworn that I will never..." She brought the spatula around. "...love another man!" The spatula sliced through the air so fast that it hummed, its blade slashing a bare half-inch above Ranma, who nervously ducked under its razor-sharp edge.

Ukyou twirled the weapon and swung it sideways at Ranma, and he nimbly flipped over it and remarked, "What a waste. A cute girl like you."

And just like that, her life changed forever.

--

Looking hard into your eyes

There was nobody I'd ever known

Such an empty surprise to feel so alone

Now for me some words come easy

But I know they don't mean that much

Compared with the things that are said

when lovers touch

You never knew what I loved in you

I don't know what you loved in me

Maybe the picture of somebody you were hoping

I might be

Awake again, I can't pretend, and I know I'm alone

And close to the end of the feeling we've known

How long have I been sleeping

How long have I been drifting alone

through the night

How long have I been dreaming I could make it right

If I closed my eyes and tried with all my might

To be the one you need

Awake again, I can't pretend, and I know I'm alone

And close to the end of the feeling we've known

How long have I been sleeping

How long have I been drifting alone through the night

How long have I been running for that morning flight

Through the whispered promises and the

changing light

Of the bed where we both lie

Late for the sky

-- Jackson Browne, "Late for the Sky"

/-/-/-/

Nimcha Digital Productions

is proud to present

LATE FOR THE SKY

a Ranma 1/2 fanfic by

George P. Masologites

/-/-/-/

(c) 6 September 1999

Ranma 1/2 was created by Takahashi Rumiko, and is used without permission.

"Late for the Sky" belongs to Jackson Browne and is reprinted without permission.

All rights reserved. Please do not alter this story without the author's consent.

1

Looking Hard

As the night set in, the Ucchan closed its doors at ten-thirty on the dot, as it always did.

It was January, and an exceptionally cold night. It had snowed earlier, and the roads were now iced over, making travel by car nearly impossible. Consequently, the streets had been empty most of the day, and, with the arrival of evening, the stores along the roads had closed down, one by one, swathing them in darkness, broken here and there by a streetlight or a neon sign. The wind had picked up as it drew darker, and Ukyou could hear it whistling quietly outside the restaurant's frosted windows.

Inside the Ucchan, things were proceeding as usual. Ukyou was cleaning the okonomiyaki grill carefully, her spatulas neatly arrayed, hanging from a nearby wall, right underneath a framed picture of her hometown, Kyoto. Her assistant, Konatsu, was cleaning the dark wooden floors with a broom and dustpan, meticulously checking to make sure not a speck of dirt remained. He whistled as he worked, but she did not. Hers was a solemn countenance, her attractive, well-formed features betraying no hint of whatever emotion lurked under the surface. Her dark brown eyes, handsomely shaped, had a slight wistful shine in them, and, perhaps, just a trace of bitterness lying in their depths.

Though the restaurant was illuminated, the lights were just dim enough so that Konatsu, as he looked up, caught a glimpse of a darkened figure walking slowly past the window at the front of the room.

"Ukyou-sama," he called out. His voice was gentle, effeminate, as it always was.

She looked up.

He pointed to the window. "There's someone there."

She nodded, going back to cleaning the grill.

"You want me to see who it is?" Konatsu asked.

She shrugged. "If you want to." Her voice was rough-edged, boyish, and carried the same wistful qualities as her eyes.

"Hello," Konatsu greeted the person outside cheerfully, quickly unlocking and opening the door. A frigid gust of wind blew its way into the restaurant, but he paid it no mind.

Ukyou caught a brief view of the man outside the door, and her eyes widened in surprise. A tall man, handsome and muscular, with a bandanna tied around his head, holding back a shock of dark hair. Ryouga.

"Come in," Ukyou called out, smiling dryly to herself. He'd probably gotten lost again.

But as Konatsu moved aside and the man stepped into the light, she could see that it was not Ryouga after all. This man's face was older, more weathered and haggard than Ryouga's was, and he had a stubble of dark beard covering his cheeks, where Ryouga was always clean-shaven. His bandanna was plain, not checkered, and he wore a battered leather jacket instead of Ryouga's trademark dusty yellow tunic.

"Thank you," he said to her. His voice was like Ryouga's, though; it was deep, sad, almost lyrical.

She smiled slightly at him. She had a beautiful smile. "No problem."

She looked at his eyes, another feature of his that was nothing like Ryouga's. Ryouga was a depressed young man, and he'd led a hard life, but his eyes were always bright, passionate, full of strong emotions and unattainable ideals, brimming with love, fury, determination, vengeance. This man's eyes were just...tired. Tired, flat, and lifeless, and his was the bearing of a defeated man, dreams crushed and ideals shattered; he had the look of a man existing rather than living, trudging slowly, sadly through his days, waiting to die.

"Would you like something to eat?" she asked, pity for him rising to the surface. It would mean that she would have to clean the grill again, but...

He shook his head, sat down in one of the darkened benches at a booth near the door, away from the lamplight. "I'm...not hungry," he told her, placing his pack on the ground beside the bench.

"You sure?"

He nodded.

Ukyou put down the cloth that she was cleaning the grill with, staring at the man. His eyes were shadowed now, and she could make no guess as to what he was thinking. "What's your name?" she asked, not knowing what else to say.

"Kumon Ryuu." He glanced in her direction, his eyes showing no interest. "Yours?"

"Kuonji Ukyou." His name seemed familiar, somehow, but she couldn't remember where she'd heard it before. "You don't look so good."

He shrugged. "I'm fine."

She walked over to the table and slid into the bench opposite him, cocking her head sideways and smiling slightly. "So. What can I do for you?"

He didn't respond, but as he sat there, Ukyou could tell he was grateful for a warm place to put his journey pack down and rest. Konatsu watched them both, his emotions unreadable, then shrugged slightly and went back to sweeping the floor. The scratching back-and-forth of the broom was oddly comforting to Ukyou's ears. Neither of them spoke for several minutes, Ukyou looking at him and around the resturaunt uncomfortably, Ryuu simply staring off into space, his dark eyes emotionless.

"You own this place?" he asked her, at length.

She nodded.

"It's nice."

"Thank you. I've invested a lot of time into it."

"I can tell."

An awkward pause.

"So..." Ukyou bit her lip. "Eh, what do you do?"

He shrugged. "I'm just a traveler."

She smiled slightly. "Where you traveling to?"

"Nowhere, really. Just...wandering."

So he was like Ryouga, in that, Ukyou realized. When he didn't say anything else, she offered, "I know another wanderer. He comes here sometimes."

"Really? Another wanderer, huh..."

She nodded. "He's a martial artist, too." -_And better than me,-_ she recalled dryly, remembering their fight when they first met. "So's my fiance."

He didn't smile, but she thought she saw a flicker of amusement in his eyes. "I used to be a martial artist."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "'Used to be'...?"

He nodded. "I lost a duel, and swore I'd never use my techniques again."

"Why?"

The amusement was gone. "Those were just the rules."

She looked uncomfortable, and there was another pause, neither of them speaking. "Who was it you fought?" she asked, after a moment.

He shrugged. "Just another warrior. Better than me. Smarter. The fiercest fighter I've ever met, I think..." He shook his head. "But I don't train any longer."

"You're just a wanderer now?"

He nodded. "Just a wanderer." Ukyou was about to say something, but his eyes unfocused and he leaned back, talking softly, almost to himself. "Just a wanderer. But I used to be a warrior." His voice carried a bitter edge. "As my father died, he made me swear that I would find the missing half of the ultimate technique that he'd died practicing with. And I did swear, damn me, and I spent my whole life since then looking for the scroll that had the other half of the technique on it. I did find it, but I never learned the other techniques, you know. Guess that means I broke my oath to my father." He sighed, closing his eyes. "But I'll keep the oath I made to my opponent. The Mountain Fist techniques are sealed up, now. Probably for the best, anyway; those were killer's techniques, every one of them." He looked straight at Ukyou. "Ever see a man after his heart's been ripped out?" He sighed again. "Probably for the best. Evil techniques, like the old man said. And I swore, damn me, I swore..."

His eyes remained closed, and Ukyou wondered briefly if he'd fallen asleep. She coughed slightly. "Your father...he's dead, then?"

Ryuu nodded. "That's right. Father died when he tried to use the Mountain Fist techniques on our rotting old dojo. It collapsed on top of him and he died." He laughed mirthlessly. "I got out, though. Might've been better if I didn't. A lot of people'd still be alive if I hadn't been there...but they deserved it, every one. Murderers and cutthroats, the lot of them." His eyes opened. "I never attacked a man I didn't think was scum, you know that, Kuonji Ukyou? Never. Not until I found the man who had the missing half of the scroll. I'd have killed him, if things had gone differently. I would have killed the poor bastard, I really would've. And you know what? He was a good man. He was a fool and a liar, but his heart was in the right place. He didn't deserve to die. Probably for the best that the Mountain Fist is gone, now..."

Not sure what to say, she agreed. "Probably for the best."

He closed his dark eyes again, resting. "So you say your fiance is a martial artist?"

She nodded, smiled slightly. "That's right. Me and Ran-chan will be getting married, soon." The words struck false in her own ears, memories of the wedding burning fresh in her mind.

The wedding of Ranma and Akane.

A failed wedding, to be sure, after Happousai had tossed those ridiculously powerful bombs of his, destroying the wedding and most of the Tendou dojo along with it. And she had helped with the destruction, bringing explosive okonomiyaki to the wedding. She had thought, at first, that Ranma's father had forced him to go through with the wedding - indeed, how could Ranma want to marry a girl like Akane? - and she had thought to use them on him, but when she had arrived...rational thoughts had flitted out of her mind as the scene had unfolded before her. Ranma and Akane had been together, and Akane had looked so beautiful in her wedding dress, and it had almost looked like...like Ranma had wanted to go through with the wedding, that he was there by choice, that he and Akane...they had... Unthinking, impulsive, irrational, she had thrown one at Ranma, and it had hit him. She had scarcely spoken to Ranma since the incident; he wasn't the type that would stay angry over something like that - indeed, he had likely forgotten about it by now - but she felt acutely guilty all the same.

-_No,_- she told herself fiercely, pushing the memories of the wedding out of her head. -_Ranma loves me. Not Akane, not Shampoo, not Kodachi...Ranma loves me. Just like I love him. And we'll get married soon. We will.-_

"'Ran-chan?'" he inquired.

She smiled, a little embarrassed. "My nickname for him."

"I see."

There was another long silence, broken only here and there as Konatsu finished touching up the Ucchan, making sure the resturaunt was spotless for opening tomorrow.

Ukyou felt sorry for this tired, trail-worn man sitting across from her. From what he'd said, it sounded like he had nothing left to him. He was a martial artist with his martial arts stolen from him, his father was dead, his dojo was destroyed, and he'd broken his oath to his father as he was dying. Surely he had something, though...

"Do you have a girlfriend?" she inquired, her voice friendly.

He shook his head. "No."

She looked at him, but his eyes were still closed. "Why?"

He shrugged. "Why would I?"

She smiled. "Why does anyone have a girlfriend?"

His eyes popped open at that, and he returned her gaze. There was...something...in his eyes. Puzzlement, it looked like. "I...I don't know. Why?"

Ukyou realized she wasn't quite sure how to answer that question, either. She had meant it merely as a rhetorical question, but... "Well," she responded, "me and Ran-chan were promised to each other my our parents when we were young."

He nodded. "My father never did that. That's why I don't have a girlfriend, then."

She frowned. "But that's not the only reason," she protested. "I mean, you could have a girlfriend just because you love her."

"Love?" He smiled, but his eyes showed no amusement. "Never really had much of that. Spent all my time training and searching for the scroll after my father died."

"How about your mother?"

He shook his head. "My mother died giving birth to me."

"School?"

"I never went to school."

"But...you've never fallen in love with a girl? Any girl?"

He shook his head again. "Never had time."

She looked contemptous. "The oath." She had a certain disgust for oaths, after she had seen what Saotome Genma had done with his oath to her and her father.

"Yes."

"How about now?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're not bound by the oath any longer, right?" she asked impatiently. "So why can't you try and get a girlfriend now?"

He stared at her. "What do you mean?" he repeated. "What do I have to offer a girl? My dojo, my inheritance, is destroyed. I have no family, no money, nothing."

"Well, I..." She looked flustered. "I guess...not. But how about love?"

"I don't know." He looked away. "I don't have much experience with love, I guess. Do you?"

She cracked her knuckles absently, her thoughts far away. "I...don't know. I would've said yes if you'd asked me a few months ago, but now...I don't know. I never had a boyfriend or anything before Ran-chan. There's that feeling; he makes me feel all warm inside, you know? Or something like that. I used to think that that's all there was to love, really. But now..." _-...now, I know that love moves more than one way, don't I?-_ she asked herself bitterly. _-What would have happened at that wedding if I hadn't shown up? If Shampoo and Tatewaki and Kodachi and Happousai hadn't shown up? Would Ranma have married Akane? Would they be...-_

She scowled. _-No. Ranma loves me,_- she told herself again, squashing her other thoughts.

"But now?"

She sighed. "Now I guess I don't."

He nodded. "Neither do I. That's why love's never brought me...well, love. Maybe you have to understand it first."

"You think so?" She sounded skeptical.

He shook his head, sighed. "Probably not."

"Yeah..."

Silence ruled for a few minutes, both of them just sitting, relaxing, lost in thought. Understanding love? Ukyou knew that was once thing that she didn't understand, but then, neither did Ranma, she was sure. That made them fine as a couple, right? Two negatives equals a positive and all that.

_-I wonder...does Akane understand love? Shampoo? Not bloody likely..._- She sighed. _-Love moves more than one way, indeed. What if...I love him...and he loves one of them? Then what would I do?-_

_-That won't happen,-_ she told herself angrily. _-It won't. Ranma loves me, not them. How could he not love me? I've tried to be the perfect fiance, the perfect woman, for him; he has to love me!-_

Something in Ryuu's eyes flared. "What did you just say?" he asked sharply.

"Uh..." She was faintly embarrassed; she hadn't realized she'd been speaking aloud. "Nothing. Just thinking about my fiance."

He scowled. "Your fiance's name is Ranma? Saotome Ranma?"

She nodded, not sure what to say.

"But I had thought that..." Momentary confusion flitted across Ryuu's features, then he shook his head, the scowl returning. He stood up abruptly, shouldering his pack. "I...should go. Thank you for your hospitality."

"Wait," she said, calling to his back as he bowed and began to stride towards the door. "You don't have to-"

He cut her off. His voice was forceful, powerful. "It would be an ill thing if I were here when Saotome Ranma returns. I apologize for being rude...but I must go. Good-bye, Kuonji Ukyou."

"But Ranma..." She sighed; he had already gone out the door. He wouldn't be able to hear her. "...doesn't live here," she finished, grumbling to herself. She stared at his retreating form as the door slid shut behind him; he was already fading from sight, a dark shadow against the freezing darkness of the streets outside.

Somehow, she knew that she would never see him again.

"Are you okay, Ukyou-sama?"

Ukyou glanced over at her effeminate assistant, and nodded shortly. "I'm fine, Konatsu." Well, no she wasn't, but she wasn't about to share her worries with him.

He looked at her, concerned. "Are...you really sure...you're okay, Ukyou-sama? You don't look so good. Ukyou-sama?"

"I'm fine, Konatsu, dammit!" She barked at him, scowling. He looked hurt, and tears were brimming in his eyes. She was immediately sorry she had yelled at him, but... "Konatsu, really, I'm okay. Just tired."

He nodded weakly. "Y-yeah, me too. I'll...go to sleep, then, okay, Ukyou-sama?"

Ukyou didn't respond, didn't look at him as he meekly trotted off to one of the back rooms where he slept.

Damn Ryuu. He'd hit some nerve that she didn't even know she had, had said something that had made her question her love for Ranma. But she did love him. She'd loved him ever since...since...

_-Since what?- _a small voice in her mind mocked her. _-Since you were about to beat him up and he told you you were cute to calm you down?-_

_-That's not why he said it!-_ She shouted the voice down, furiously. _-He said it because he did think I was cute! And he loves me now, I know he does! He has to!-_

_-Does he, now?-_ the small voice asked her, mirthfully. _-Why would that be? Is it because you look so beautiful when you come to school in a boy's uniform with your breasts bound? Is it because he knew you as a young boy he was friends with when he was little? He doesn't even think of you as a girl! How could he possibly love you?-_

-_Shut up, shut up, shut up!- _She scowled deeply, sitting at the table, brooding in the faint lamplight. She sighed, shaking her head ruefully. _-Man, I'm pathetic. I'm sitting in a dark room by myself arguing with myself.-_

But something about Ryuu...she had felt sorry for him, true enough, but there was something else. His mother had died giving birth to him, his father was killed in an accident, his inheritance was destroyed, and a pointless oath had cost him the best years of his life. He had not even been able to fulfill it, in the end, and now another promise had taken from him the thing he loved most.

"Promises..." She stared dully at the table, flicking a few stray grains of salt off its dark surface. "Worthless things."

Her mind drifted back to the days of her youth, selling okonomiyaki with her gruff, good-natured father in the small towns and valleys east of Kyoto. She had never been a cheerful girl, even back then, but the year in that grassy valley with Ranma had been one of the happiest of her life. Life had been so...simple, back then. She had thought her dreams had come true when her father told her one day that she was to marry Ranma, and that his father had agreed to the engagement. The young boy was a bit thoughtless, true, but he was good-hearted for all that, naive and friendly, and Ukyou wouldn't have even considered refusing her father's marriage proposal.

And then Saotome Genma had taken their yattai, their livelihood, and ran, stealing Ranma, the honor of their family, and Ukyou's happiness with him.

Her mind still burned with fury at the memory of it. Genma...he had agreed to the marriage, given his solemn vow of consent! And then he had just run off, leaving Ukyou and her father nothing. Her life had been one long downward spiral from then on. Her classmates, hearing of the events, began to whisper about her, viciously taunting her, said that she had been spurned by her fiance. She had been weak, back then, and those childish taunts had cut deep, and she had responded to them violently, devoting all her time to the martial arts, attacking anyone who whispered about her.

Then her father had been hit by a drunk driver on a backstreet in Kyoto, crushing his spine, paralyzing him from the neck down. His strength had waned after that. He had always been a proud, robust man who loved the outdoors, and being cooped up in a bed all day, knowing that he was helpless to do the things he loved, had worn on his mind, and, eventually, his will to live. He passed away six months after the accident, and in his last days, he had sunk into a delerium. Ukyou had skipped school for those final days, and spent the time sitting by her father's bed, crying and praying for him, all to no avail. He had scarcely recognized her at the last; even after her mother had died in childbirth, he had always wanted a son, she knew. As he died, sunk deep into delusions and old dreams, he had called to her, called her his son, and told her that he was proud of him. He made her promise that she would grow up to be a good, strong man. Beside herself with grief for her dying father, she had done so, and the next morning, he was dead. They were poor, so there was no funeral, and Ukyou had buried him in a grassy field near their small home; an unmarked grave.

After that, true to her word, she had started dressing as a boy, binding her breasts, and had quit her old school, moving to the city of Kyoto itself and attending one of the schools there, an all-boys school. She had fit in better there. Boys were more interested in fighting than gossiping, and she had become a fairly accomplished fighter by that time. After she won a few fights against bullies and such, she had won the respect of her classmates and they were content to leave her alone and let her go her own way. She had liked that. The only thing that mattered in her life at that time was her martial arts, and she trained constantly, intent on becoming skilled enough so that she could eventually hunt down Saotome Genma and get her revenge on the man who had stolen Ranma from her.

-_The worst years of my life,-_ she reflected, sighing. With her father dead and no living kin, she had been entirely on her own, and had had no place to stay. Needing some way to make money, she had stolen some cooking materials from a department store and begun to cook okonomiyaki, setting up a griddle along the cramped inner-city roads. She had eventually melded her martial arts with her cooking, so that she could make money and train at the same time. It had proven to be a bad decision, as she found out when she had finally chased Genma down that day in Nerima. Okonomiyaki spatulas made terrible weapons for use in actual combat, and if Genma had not been overwhelmed by guilt and fallen to his knees, begging for forgiveness, she wondered whether or not she would have been able to defeat him. But she did beat him nonetheless.

"Saotome Genma," she growled, cracking her knuckles, her face dark. The man and his worthless oath had stolen the best years of her life from her...

And it clicked why Ryuu's story had affected her so much.

_-His life story is just like mine,-_ she realized, staring across the dimly lit room, her eyes shadowed. _-And his promise to his opponent finally took from him the thing that he had devoted his life to. What does that mean for me?-_

She scowled at that. It meant nothing, of course, and his life had been similar to hers only in a very general sense. After all, she had promised nothing to anyone; there was no oath that could destroy her. It wasn't as if she put a great deal aside for any oath these days, anyway.

_-Ranma...- _She wondered, briefly, what about him had so alarmed Ryuu. _-Was he the warrior that made Ryuu swear? No, he...wouldn't have. Ran-chan...he wouldn't have destroyed a man like that.-_ If the thoughts seemed a little hollow, she paid them no heed.

_-But if it was him...-_

_-No,_- she broke off her own thoughts, annoyed, angry. _-No oath could destroy me, not like Ryuu.-_ And she had promised Ranma nothing...

"Yeah," she muttered, slumping a little in the padded booth, "except my heart."

_-An oath that could destroy me. There's nothing, of course. No vow...- _Her eyes burned. _-...a marriage vow.-_

Of course. A marriage vow between Ranma and Akane, Ranma and Shampoo, Ranma and Kodachi. _-So promises do still have a hold on me, then...-_ She sighed. _-But there will be no marriage vows between any of them. Ranma is mine, we are in love, we will marry.-_

If she had dared the little voice inside her head to respond, it had declined.

"He does love me," she mumbled, angry at the bitterness that she felt burning through her. "He does."

_-And I love him...- _She rested her chin on her hand - it was slender, well-formed, strong. Much like the rest of her. _-Why?-_

She didn't move, but an onlooker would have seen something, some hidden emotion, flash deep in her dark brown eyes. She glanced at her reflection in the window beside the booth, staring, thinking, brooding. She loved Ranma, with all her heart. She had loved him ever since...well, ever since she had met him, really, in that valley near Kyoto so long ago. But...why?

She heard herself asking the same question to Ryuu. -_Why does anyone have a girlfriend?- _And Ryuu's remark, later. _-Neither do I. That's why love's never brought me...well, love. Maybe you have to understand it first.-_

_-Maybe that's why I'm having trouble trapping Ranma,- _she reflected wryly. _-Maybe I have to understand why I'm trying to first...-_

_-Why do I love Ranma?-_

She didn't know. He had been a sweet boy when they were younger, cheerful and guileless, but she was afraid that all those years on the road with his father had affected him, somehow; he wasn't the same person she had known in the grassy vale. He was...colder, almost. The boy she had known had shared all his innermost thoughts with her, but the grown-up Saotome Ranma she knew here kept everything to himself, and grew angry when anyone tried to pry into his thoughts. And more cunning. It was not an evil cunning, but...there it was all the same, and he had changed.

_-What did you expect, idiot?- _she chided herself, annoyed. _-You've changed, too.-_ She sighed. _-And god knows that I've gotten colder since those days in the valley...-_

Her thoughts trailed off as she realized what had gone through her head. _-Having trouble trapping Ranma...- _She sighed, dismal. _-Is that really what I'm trying to do? Trap him? Keep him with me...when he doesn't want to be? When he wants to be with...one of them?-_

Who?

She felt something stir in her left eye. It seemed to be tearing up...must've just been a speck of dust or something that Konatsu had missed, floating around the room. Who, indeed.

_-Akane...-_

She shook her head. No. Akane was a pleasant enough person, a friend of sorts to her, but...she'd seen the way Akane treated Ranma. The two fought a lot, more than most any normal couples did, and those fights quite frequently turned ugly. Ranma had an abnormally strong healing capacity, but she often saw him come to school, his face bandaged or his arm bruised or with some other little injury, and she knew who was to blame. Akane.

"Then why does the fool stay at the Tendous'?" she asked herself, quietly, angrily. -_Why? Dammit, it makes no sense. Those two fight all the time, and everyone knows they're a terrible couple and their engagement will never work. Why does he stay there, with...her?-_

She toyed briefly with the idea that Genma was forcing Ranma to stay, but she had seen enough of Ranma formidable fighting skills to know that he was more than a match for the fat, worthless old man. And, from what she had learned of their life on the road, Ranma had little enough reason to want to respect Genma's wishes, much less honor them so much as to marry a girl he hated.

_-Then why?-_

The answer burned in front of her eyes, but Ukyou's response was a scowl as she stood, turned her back on it, eyes closed. They were wet with tears.

"He loves me," she told the darkness around her fiercely, spinning on her heel and heading for the back room where she slept.

But her voice quavered at the last, and when the 'me' came out, it sounded almost like 'Akane.'

2

Drifting Alone

The coming of daylight to Nerima brought scant relief from the January chill. The skies were clear; at least it had stopped snowing for the time being, although the weather bureau had forecasted sleet for the afternoon, and heavy snows for the evening. But for those thick-blooded people with adequate clothing, the day was nice enough for all that. The sunlight reflected off the myriad ice patches and icicles, turning them into beautiful, frozen crystals. Snow and ice covered the deciduous trees, making them look for all the world like a scene from a fairy tale, encrusted with brilliant, frozen jewels. The sun's rays bounced through the pine needles of the evergreens, sheathed in ice, bright yet not warm enough to melt them.

Ukyou had awoken that morning in a foul temper, and had decided that opening the Ucchan would be a bad idea. She was usually friendly with the customers, after all, and showing up, grouchy and sour and ill-tempered, would hardly do anything to improve her business. Instead, she had hung a small sign in the window that read: "Closed for renovations. Re-opening tomorrow morning at 9:00 A.M." The customers wouldn't find anything to fuss about over that, she knew; the overpowered martial artists in this area had caused some damage to seemingly everyone's store or home at one time or another. She had told Konatsu to take the day off, and had figured that he'd be grateful for the chance, but he had merely seemed confused. So she had suggested that he go see a movie or something, and had informed him that she couldn't open the restaurant today. He had still seemed puzzled, but hadn't argued. He rarely argued.

She had donned a pair of loose blue jeans which she tucked into an old pair of leather work boots. The boots were fur-lined, and warm, if a little battered from long wear. The jacket she was wearing was something she couldn't remember when she'd bought; it was fur-lined, as well, and slightly too large for her slender frame. It was dark green, more worn than the old boots, and had a large collection of pockets on the front. Her head was bare, though; her long, thick brown hair tied back into a loose ponytail and her cheeks, nose and ears red with cold.

Ukyou liked cold weather. The clean, crisp air helped clear her mind, consider the problems in her life with a more level head. And the snow brought a sort of peace to the hectic city, covering, muffling everything with a soft white blanket, hiding everyone's troubles until the sun melted it away. And so, she had taken the day off from working at her restaurant to spend the day walking through the snow-crusted streets, enjoying the chill while it lasted. But while it did give her troubled mind a little relief, it wasn't much.

What Ryuu had said the previous night was still burnt into her mind. _-Neither do I. That's why love's never brought me...well, love. Maybe you have to understand it first.- _She was at a loss as to why those simple, harmless words troubled her so much, but they did, all the same. She _-had- _love, after all, with her fiance.

_-Yeah,-_ she mused bitterly. _-Me and Ran-chan, love. We love each other so much he lives with another woman...-_

She scowled, not liking the direction that her thoughts were winding in. Since Ryuu had visited her...no, ever since the failed wedding, really, she had been thinking deeply about her relationship with Ranma. He had never given her reason to believe that he didn't love her, not truly. When he learned that he had ruined her prized ten-year sauce, he had tried to make amends, hadn't he? Hadn't he come to her rescue when Konatsu's step-sisters had kidnapped her and Akane?

She sighed. _-Would Ranma have come if it had been just me, though?-_

It wasn't a difficult question; she knew Saotome Ranma. He would have come to her rescue. He would just as soon stop breathing as refuse to help a person in need. He would have saved anyone, not just her, not just Akane.

_-Well, maybe that's why I love him,- _she considered, kicking a small chunk of ice off the sidewalk, into the frosted grass. _-Because he's willing to help anyone who needs his help.-_

_-Is that it?-_

Her thoughts were interrupted by a tall man who passed by her. He smiled a gruff smile, nodded in a friendly manner. She looked at him, startled, staring at him as he passed. He was taller, and he had no beard, but aside from that, he looked every bit like her father...

Ukyou shook her head. _-I'm getting sentimental, doing all this damn thinking...-_

She took in a deep lungful of the pure winter air, speeding up her pace somewhat. Her boots crunched on the thin layer of ice covering the sidewalk, but her balance was good, and she knew she wouldn't fall. Back in Kyoto, during her years of junior high, she had often taken walks like these to clear her head. It usually had done her a lot of good; she found that walking was a good way to disperse her violent thoughts. It had been awhile since she'd taken a walk like this, though. Almost four months to the day.

It was peaceful, out here, peaceful in a way that her life hadn't been lately. It reminded her of the days in the valley with...

_-No.- _She shook her head, scowled. She didn't want to think about that, not now. Reminiscing about those days never failed to ruin her mood. Still...she had been happy back then.

_-Have I been happy since?- _she wondered, rubbing her cold nose absently. She didn't think she had, but then, events from not so long ago popped into her head, unbidden. It had been after that absurd race at the hot springs of that village. She had won that race, she recalled, after Ryouga, bumbling and hopelessly without a sense of direction, had crashed through the side of a mountain and ended up through the goal posts, pulling her along with him. He had been dead-set on going to Jusenkyou, she remembered, but she hadn't known why at the time, and he hadn't been willing to tell her.

She laughed silently, remembering her own startlement upon learning that Ryouga, Ranma's great rival, was Akane's little pet pig...

"Ryouga? Ryouga!" Ukyou glared daggers around the crowded concourse at the Atami airport. _-Dammit, why now? We're going to miss our flight...-_ She knew Ryouga's sense of direction was absolutely miserable, but she had been holding his hand! How in the world had he possibly separated from her? "Where is he...?"

She nimbly jumped on top of a nearby wooden chair and scanned the top of the crowd, looking for any sign of bumbling young man in a yellow tunic and a checkered bandanna asking directions, but she didn't see any sign of him. She didn't hear anything either, but that was forgivable, given the obscene level of noise in the concourse as a gaggle of travelers and tourists made their way through the corridor, talking, jabbering excitedly. She really wished that they hadn't had to come to this airport, at a popular tourist resort, on their way to China. It was as if that damned mayor had gone out of his way to make their flight inconvienent. Forget Tokyo, take a bus to Atami and catch your plane there...

She scowled, glancing at her wristwatch. Their flight was leaving in three minutes, no thanks to the mayor scheduling their bus ride so that it arrived in Atami only an hour before the plane was supposed to leave. If they didn't catch it...well, so much for the all-expenses paid trip to Jusenkyou that she and Ryouga had won. She had no clue as to why he had wanted to go there in the first place, but she figured that since he had basically been responsible for the victory, it was only fair to let him choose the destination of their free trip. In any case, she had always been sort of curious to see the place where Ranma had been cursed, so she had agreed with his choice easily enough.

But she couldn't imagine that he wanted to go there just to see the place where Ranma was cursed. He was kind of the sentimental type, sure, but she was pretty sure that he had his heart set on killing Ranma. It had sure sounded that way the day the two of them first met, anyway. So she hadn't been sure what to think of his wanting to visit the place. She had briefly entertained the notion that he thought he might be fun to be a girl half the time, but...well, if he did, it sure didn't fit his personality.

She jumped down from the chair, having no luck whatsoever locating him. She sighed dismally, staring into the multitude of people that moved in front of her, chatting happily, on a vacation from somewhere, here to enjoy the seaside at Atami. _-Where in the world could that jackass possibly be?-_ She shook her head, annoyed. It wasn't like she was going to hop on the plane and trek to Jusenkyou without him, especially since the plane's destination was some city in China which was a good two or three hundred miles from the springs.

How had he gotten lost, anyway, dammit? She clenched her fist, grinding her teeth together. _-I was holding his hand. How could he have slipped away...?-_ And why did it have to be now? She looked at her watch again. One minute until the plane left. Wonderful.

And then she heard it.

She wasn't sure just how she heard it over the constant roar of the crowd, but somehow she managed to make out a...squealing, coming from somewhere in the mass of people. Wondering what it was, she shouldered her way through, muttering apologies the entire way, and finally saw...

...a little black piglet?

She scooped it up, quickly moving out of the way of the crowd, off to the side of the corridor. "Hey," she exclaimed in surprise, looking at the little pig more closely, "you're Akane's pet pig, aren't you? I recognize your collar." She grinned slightly and tugged on the collar, a black and yellow...checkered...bandanna?

She eyed it suspiciously. "This looks like Ryouga's," she noted accusingly.

The pig squealed loudly. If she hadn't known better, she would have sworn it was trying to tell her something.

"Well," she reasoned, "Ryouga's got a huge crush on Akane, right? So I guess it makes sense he'd give her pet a present...well, sort of..." She stared at the animal, and it bared its fangs at her. She chuckled. "And I'm here talking to a pig that clearly doesn't like me in any case. What am I supposed to do with you, anyway?" _-And how in the world did you get to Atami?-_

The pig squealed again. It looked more than slightly frantic.

"Great," she muttered sourly, as she saw the plane that she and Ryouga should have been on pull away from the gate. "Just great. Where is that jackass, anyway? So much for visiting Jusenkyou..."

The pig looked at her in agony.

She stared at it. _-What in the world is wrong with this thing?- _She wondered, pulling it away from her arm so it wouldn't bite her. _-It looks like it's...furious...- _"Hey!" She shouted in protest as it wriggled out of her hands, bounding into the nearby women's bathroom. _-What a weird pig...-_

She trailed it as it bolted around the corner and leapt up onto the sinks. It gestured to one of the knobs with its hoof.

"You...want me to turn that?" She looked at what it was pointing to - the hot water knob.

_-Hot water.-_ Suspicions were beginning to form in her mind.

It stared at her.

"Okay, okay..." She flipped the knob, and water jetted out of the faucet. The pig jumped under the stream...and nothing happened.

_-Well,_- she thought glumly. _-That was an anticlima...-_

She stared. "Eek."

Ryouga climbed out of the sink. Naked.

"Ryouga," she greeted him, at a loss. "Uh...you..."

"We missed our flight!" Ryouga wailed, hammering the papered walls with his fists. "It's not fair, it's not fair! I finally get a trip to Jusenkyou and this..." He trailed off, as two women who had just entered the bathroom stood there, gazing at him disbelievingly.

"Eh...eheh..." He said intelligently.

Ukyou stood there, staring, trying to comprehend what she had just seen. Ryouga was Akane's pet pig? But...but...didn't her pet pig sleep with her...?

The bathroom was silent for a moment.

Then the women screamed.

So did he.

The sound of a car zipping by her shook Ukyou from her reverie. She grinned at the memory of that day at the airport; those had been good days, those two weeks she had spent at the beach with Ryouga. They were nothing to each other, really; friends at best. Allies. But, as she thought back on those sun-washed summer days, wandering on the beach at Atami, peddling okonomiyaki, and compared them with the bleak January chill that she walked in now, she felt there was a sort of magical glow over those times. They had both been so...full. Full of dreams, love, vengeance. Full of life. She had been so sure of everything, then...

Ryouga hadn't been particularly happy, of course, but then, Ryouga was never particularly happy, that she could tell. She had sympathized with his being unable to go to Jusenkyou; after all, turning into a pig? What could possibly be a more horrid curse? She had found a bit of humor in Ranma's curse; after all, she had spent a lot of years in her life dressed as a boy. It was kind of ironic that her fiance turned into a girl.

But a pig...

She shuddered. How awful.

A cold gust of wind bit across her unprotected face, but she didn't flinch. _-I wonder where Ryouga is now?- _She hadn't seen much of him, really, and hadn't ever been of a mind to look. She sighed. _-He's probably with that girlfriend of his...what was her name?- _Akari. _-Yes, that was it, Akari...- _Something fell on her nose...a snowflake. She gazed up into the sky, and saw that the sun had been covered by flat gray clouds. Snowflakes drifted down softly from above like feathers. Cold feathers.

_-I guess the idiot deserves some happiness.-_ She hadn't really gotten to know him, but every time she had talked with him, he had been depressed or angry. Or both; it seemed to hang like a dark cloud over him. She'd always felt sort of sorry for him, and was glad he'd found someone that loved him at last. _-Akari...- _She grinned slightly. _-Sounds kind of like Akane, doesn't it?-_

Happy at last...

Her grin vanished. _-Don't I deserve a little happiness, too, then?- _Then she stopped. _-But what do I have to be unhappy about? After all, me and Ran-chan are...we'll be happy together, we'll get married, and...and...-_

"Yeah, we'll get married alright," she muttered, shivering as the snow grew heavier and several flurries landed on her cheeks. She grew annoyed at the sarcasm lacing her own voice, but she found the words were tumbling out of her mouth regardless. "After all, he's just living with Akane. They're not married. Engaged and living together, but not married. Yet." She scowled. "But their wedding failed. That means he's mine...doesn't it?"

She leaned down, brushing a chunk of slush off her boot. The snowflakes were dropping from the sky with greater frequency, now, and she decided that it would probably be a good idea to get inside. The weather was prone to change so quickly in Nerima... _-Just twenty minutes ago, the sun was shining bright. Now...-_ There wasn't a trace of the cheerful fiery globe anywhere in the sky, and a heavy gray cloudbank had obscured every hint of the brilliant, clear blue sky from the morning. It wasn't a storm cloud, massive, dark, and intimidating, it was just...gray.

_-A cold gray,-_ she thought. _-Cold and gloomy and flat.-_ It looked to go on forever from where she stood, oppressive and unchanging. Her multi-pocketed jacket was almost half-white, by now, but she didn't seem to mind, and when the wind picked up, a small stream of flurries tailed from her long ponytail.

She smiled to herself, a pleasant smile, enjoying the cold winds as they whipped about her face. _-But a nice enough day for all the gloominess...- _She sighed wistfully. _-But it would be nicer of Ran-chan was here with me.- _She could almost see him, his fierce blue-gray eyes shining, grinning at her, making some little joke, and his muscular hand around hers, keeping her warm through the chill. They had so much they needed to talk about. She knew she needed to apologize, or...or something, for what she had done to his wedding. It couldn't have been his fault, his idea to go through with the ridiculous thing, after all. His father, Akane, Tendou Soun; they were the ones to blame, not Ranma. And Ranma would forgive her, of course; his happy-go-lucky nature rarely let him hold a grudge against anyone, let alone his childhood friend. Then she would invite him over to the restaurant, treat him to a free okonomiyaki, as she always did, and he would compliment her on it. Like he always did. Then he would kiss her, and they would-

She shook her head, a little embarrassed and annoyed at the thoughts that had gone through her head. _-Yeah, and while I'm dreaming, I wouldn't mind having a magic lamp, either.-_

But she did need to talk to Ranma. It was...what was today? She frowned. _-Saturday.-_ Yes, that was right, Saturday. Running the Ucchan took up a lot of her time during weekdays, so she would only attend school for a couple hours each day in the morning. She had no intention of going to college after she graduated, so she figured that her grades were no real concern one way or another. Her restaurant was as successful as any, and she figured that it was as good a salary and the work as enjoyable as anything she could get with a college degree. Just a week ago, she had finished renovations of the Ucchan, adding an extension onto the back of the building to make more room for her ever-increasing customer base. She had also had the large counter and grill moved back and shrunken slightly. It left her less space for cooking, but she hardly needed all that room anyway and it left a great deal of open space for tables and booths for the customers; the response she had received had been largely positive.

But it was Saturday, and the Ucchan was closed for the time being, its owner walking the snowy streets, lost in thought.

Ukyou knew she needed to apologize to Ranma, tell him she was sorry for her reaction at his wedding. Let him know that she knew that he would never betray her, and that she was aware that his father had forced him to go through with it. And he would forgive her. And...

_-And what?-_

She didn't know. She hadn't spoken more than a word or two to him since the wedding, but she had watched him, carefully. Looked into his eyes when he didn't know he was being watched, observed his movements, his actions. He seemed the same old Ranma on the surface, but she could tell there was something different. His personality had...softened, almost, and he didn't seem so crass as before. And she had watched him as he walked, talked with Akane, watched those blue-gray eyes soften as he stared at his short-haired fiance, a smile barely crossing his lips.

Akane had changed as well. Not a radical change, but her temper seemed to be more even, and she was less apt to smack Ranma around for a trifling insult.

But for all that, Ukyou didn't think that much had changed between the two of them. Ranma was more polite and Akane was nicer, but they still hardly got along, and they fought...well, they fought too much. Not as much as before, it seemed like, but they still were always in some argument or another, Akane accusing him of some perceived insult, Ranma protesting and calling her uncute, Akane storming away...

She shook her head. _-Akane and Ranma...- _A miserable couple.

There was a sharp, if muffled beeping, and Ukyou glanced at her watch. 1:30 P.M., its digital display read. _-Why did I set it for one thirty...?-_ She wondered, frowning. Nothing that she could recall off hand happened then, although she realized that she hadn't yet eaten lunch. Her stomach growled at her in reply.

She looked around, searching for a place to sit down and grab a bit to eat. A big yellow 'M' peeked its head above a tailor shop. _-McDonald's...nah. Something a little less greasy._- She looked behind her, and saw a small coffee shop.

_-Well, sure, why not...-_

The coffee shop was a nice one. It was entirely wooden: the door was cherry, the walls were plywood and hickory, the tables were mahogany, the floor was oak, the ceiling was buttressed by long pine beams that rose to a large 'V' along the center of the building. Warm floor lamps illuminated the establishment, and the young man at the order counter was friendly, if somewhat hurried.

Ukyou sat at one of the tables next to the window, one of the few things that was not wooden, drinking a small cup of black coffee, her brown eyes with a far-off appearance to them. She had found that she didn't have much of an appetite, even for the delicious-looking bagels, biscuits, sandwiches, and cheeses they offered here. She hadn't eaten much of a breakfast, either, but she just didn't feel like eating.

The coffee was fairly good. She had expected it to be better, given that the place specialized in it, but it wasn't usually tasty or rich. It was warm, though, and it felt good as it coursed through her cold body, still recovering from walking in the snow and freezing wind all morning.

But she scarcely noticed the taste or the warmth of the coffee. Her mind wasn't in the coffee shop, it was outside in the wonderfully cold breeze, talking cheerily with the pigtailed martial artist that loved her. When he turned his eyes to her, they softened, and he laughed at some joke she had made. Some meaningless joke, but it made him smile, smile at her, and that was all that mattered.

_-Smile at me, Ran-chan. Smile at me like you smile at Akane...-_

He was, in her mind. They were going over their plans for the wedding. It would be a small wedding; neither of them was particularly fond of grand events, and she knew that a big, fancy wedding would put them both on edge. And it would be an ill thing to be on edge during the happiest day of her life...

_-My life, or Akane's?-_

She ground her teeth together. _-Dammit, can't I even have Ran-chan to myself in my daydreams?- _She sighed, the image of Ranma smiling softly as he gazed at Akane burning in her mind. Those blue-gray eyes, so fierce at times, were so kind, so trusting as they turned to the short-haired girl...

_-Eyes...- _Ukyou looked up, towards the door. Saotome Ranma stood there, relaxed, handsome and strong, his blue-gray eyes staring straight at her.

"Ran-chan..."

He waved to her.

3

What I Loved

Ranma pulled up a seat. "Hiya, Ucchan." His voice was as confident as ever, and he seemed excited about something. Excited, and more than a little anxious.

She smiled at him, genuinely. "Didn't know you drank coffee."

"Uh, well, I don't," he replied, looking slightly embarrassed. "I just saw you in here, so I decided to, y'know, say hi."

He didn't look mad, at least. She was glad that he wasn't the type to hold grudges.

"We haven't talked much lately, have we?"

She shook her head. "I guess not." Her smile grew forced. "I've been...busy. With the restaurant, you know. Business's been good, and the extension is finished. There's a lot more room for tables now."

He nodded. "Yeah, I, uh, saw it a couple'a days ago. It looks good."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Ukyou sipping from a small cup of black coffee, Ranma fidgeting, looking uncomfortable. She stared at his eyes, and could see the apprehension there.

_-He's here for a reason.-_ She watched him, trying to guess what that reason could be. Maybe...maybe... _-Maybe...he's here to finally...tell me that he loves me?-_

She swallowed. _-I've waited so long, so goddamned long to hear him say it. Is that why he's here now?-_

Ranma stayed silent.

She decided to be direct. "Ran-chan...what did you want to talk to me about?"

He stared through the window, watching the wind whip the snowflakes about as they fell. "I, uh..." He didn't look at her. "A wedding, Ucchan."

Her heart skipped. Did he mean...?

"A wedding," she repeated, her voice carefully calm.

Ranma nodded. "A wedding. A, uh..." He turned to look at her, his eyes unreadable. "Another wedding. Pop and Mister Tendou...they're planning to try and force me an' Akane to marry again."

She scowled. Saotome Genma...didn't he and that idiot friend of his ever stop? Trying to force two people who didn't love each other to marry; it fit Genma's scummy personality so well that it hurt. "Ran-chan, I-"

"Ucchan." He cut her off. There was something in those handsome eyes of his that unnerved her. "They're trying to force us to get married, but I...well, Akane's..." He paused, clearing his throat. "Akane's agreed to go through with it, Ucchan."

She froze. Akane had... "She...did?" She sounded a little dazed.

He nodded, licking his lips. "Yeah, she, uh...she did."

Neither of them spoke for a moment. A million thoughts flew through Ukyou's mind. _-She's agreed to it. Akane's agreed to it. She's going to win, she's going to take Ranma, she's going to take everything. My life, for nothing. Akane's going to take Ranma. Damn her... Ranma...-_

_-But he hasn't agreed to it!- _She protested to herself, quickly, angrily. Desperately. _-And he won't agree to it, because he loves me, regardless of what Akane does or agrees to...- _But the thoughts were empty, the hopes were empty.

"I, uh, I'm not sure," he managed to get out at last. "How I feel, I mean. Y'know, should I go through with this?" He flinched as he saw a flash of hot pain in her eyes. "Ucchan, I don't mean that I..." He trailed off.

She didn't speak. She didn't trust herself to speak.

His hand tightened around hers, but she didn't feel her heart beat faster. _-It should be, though,- _she thought despondently. _-Shouldn't it? My fiance, my one true love, he's holding my hand...shouldn't my heart be beating just a little bit faster?-_ "Ucchan," he began, then stopped.

_-Ran-chan...-_

He tried again. "Ucchan, I...I'd never try to hurt you, Ucchan. I just... Well, Akane's agreed to marry me, y'know?" _-Yeah, Ran-chan, I know. And you've already agreed, haven't you? You don't know it yet, but you've already agreed to marry her... Damn her...- _"But...I just don't know how I feel. But she...she's so cute when she smiles, y'know, Ucchan?"

_-Is she?- _Ukyou felt oddly detached. _-So are you, Ran-chan. You've got such a nice smile.-_

"I just...I dunno." He sighed. "Nothin' makes sense right now."

She finally found her voice, but the words that tumbled out were not the ones she'd intended. "I guess the uncute fiance won, huh?" She asked, her voice bitter.

"No!" Ranma protested. Several of the less-tactful patrons of the coffee shop turned around to glance at the two of them. "Ucchan, I...I didn't mean it like that! I mean...just...y'know, I..."

Ukyou sighed, berating herself furiously for her bitterness, her loss of control. "I know, Ran-chan," she told him, startled at her own calm. _-You're losing him, losing him to Akane, losing the only man you ever loved in your entire worthless life! Do something! Anything! Don't just let him go to her!.- _She ignored her own thoughts, the screaming boiling up within her, and answered him in a simple, clear voice. "I know you'd never try to hurt me."

He didn't respond to that, and the two sat there, staring into each other's eyes, his blue-gray and hers dark brown, emotionless. They remained silent for the better part of five minutes, the soft chatter of the other customers the only sound in their ears. _-I'm losing him...- _She thought slowly, sadly. _-Akane's already won, hasn't she? There should be something, something that I should be feeling right now. I'm losing him, losing Ranma, and I can't feel a thing...-_

No, that wasn't right.

_-I've lost him.- _The thought went through her head like a thunderbolt, but she didn't laugh, didn't cry, didn't feel a thing.

But there was something else in his eyes...what was that?

"Ucchan," he said, breaking the silence at last. "Ucchan, I...I don't know what to do. Should I...y'know, go through with it? What should I do, Ucchan?"

Her eyes widened. _-He's asking me...what to do... He hasn't chosen! But he never asks anyone what to do... Does he? He's asking me what to do...-_

Wild thoughts of telling him to declare his love for her and run away with her filled her head, and she forced them back down, angrily. _-No! No, dammit, not...like this.-_ She stared into his eyes. _-He trusts me, I can see it. He's asking me for advice... No.- _She shook her head. -_Asking me as a friend, not as a fiance, a lover. Just a friend..._-

She just looked at him. "You don't love me, do you?" she asked simply, feeling something lurch inside her. _-I've...I've lost him...-_

Ranma averted his gaze. "Ucchan, I...but...you don't understand...I..." He was babbling. "You're my best friend, Ucchan...I...we'll...that is, I..."

The voice inside her head was screaming.

She sighed, and somehow managed to give him the imitation of a smile. "Ran-chan, I never thought I'd say this, but..." She swallowed, finding her voice. It was a strong voice, stronger than she would have thought she could muster. "Follow your heart, Ran-chan. That's the only way you're going to be happy, the only way me, or Akane, or Shampoo, or Kodachi...the only way any of us are going to be happy. If your heart leads you to Akane, then...then..." Her strength failed her, and she trailed off, her body shaking.

He took hold of her hand, concern in his eyes. "Ucchan?"

She looked at him. What was that, rolling down her cheek? A tear? _-No, surely not a tear. I never cry...- _"If your heart leads you to Akane, then it's for the best, Ran-chan." There, she'd said it, and her voice hadn't wavered once. She smiled, then, and it was almost genuine this time. "But it won't. You follow it, and your heart'll lead you right back to me."

Ranma tried to respond, but he stopped, squeezed her hand a little. He said something, but she didn't hear him; it was just some little thing to make her feel better, she knew. _-That's what made me love him, after all...- _She smiled a small smile. _-He's willing to help anyone.-_

A strange sort of determination rushing through her, she put her hand on his shoulder. "Ran-chan, you don't have to make a choice now. Don't. Don't do something you might regret, you hear me?"

"I..." He stared at her. "Thanks, Ucchan."

She smiled at him. "Hey, what're best friends for, Ran-chan?"

"I, uh..." He glanced towards the door, stood up. "I gotta be gettin' back to the dojo now. Akane said she wanted to practice or somethin'..."

_-Akane. Of course. Always Akane...-_ But she nodded, fighting down her bitterness with a barely perceptible grimace.

Ukyou stared at his back as he strode out the door, blinking back a tear, then stood up abruptly. Several of the customers politely averted their eyes as she half-walked, half-ran into the women's bathroom. Thankfully, it was empty.

She stared at her reflection in the mirror, leaned on the sink counter, her arms and hands shaking, her legs weak. _-I've...lost him...-_

This time, she didn't hold back the tears.

Ukyou was still out walking as the afternoon turned into a sullen twilight, the snow falling and the leaden sky overhead blotting out the sunset. If it had been blisteringly cold during the day, the night was simply unbearable for the majority of people living in the Nerima district. Even Ukyou, who loved the cold, felt the frozen fingers of the evening pierce her thick jacket and jeans. The streets were bleak and empty, as gray and colorless as the sky in the day's fading light, not a soul to be seen walking through the snow and sleet.

Except her.

For hours, it had seemed, she had been unable to stop crying. Even after she had left the coffee shop, the tears had kept coming until her eyes burned, dry, red and sore. The streets had been mostly empty even then, so there was no one to see her cry; she was thankful for that.

_-I must have cried a river,-_ she thought, contentedly breathing in the freezing wind. _-I can still taste the salt on my lips...-_

The snow, peppered with ice, was coming down harder than it had been earlier. Over a foot of it was piled on the frozen grass to the side of the sidewalk, but it lacked the cute, soft, puffy look that she knew newfallen snow always had. Instead, it merely looked...cold.

_-Of course it's cold, fool,-_ she chided herself, chuckling softly. _-It's snow.-_

Yet, cold as the snow was, she enjoyed it all the same, even as night fell and cloaked the streets in darkness. _-Maybe it's because it gives me something to think about,-_ she considered, smiling sardonically. _-Snow, the cure for a broken heart. Who'd have thought?-_

For a moment, she feared that she would start crying again, but the tears didn't come. The sun had fallen completely below the horizon, the streetlights flickered their dim lights on, and one or two neon signs burned through the white curtain, but for the most part, everything was dark. Peaceful, if one could ignore the screeching wind long enough to appreciate it.

Her thoughts from the previous night flitted through her mind. -_An oath that could destroy me...- _She sighed, her breath a dissipating cloud of steam. A picture of Kumon Ryuu, strong, powerful, handsome, suddenly appeared in her thoughts. He was walking along an endless stretch of dull gray road, flat brown grasslands on each side, an iron-colored sky hanging low overhead. He was not tired; his muscular legs would not tire, no matter how far or for how long he walked. But his eyes, the window to his soul, were empty, broken, lifeless. He stared ahead, uncaring, unthinking, trudging ever onward along the flat gray road, with nothing but death as his destination.

But it wasn't Ryuu.

_-No,- _she thought, the picture firmly locked in her mind. _-It's not...- _Ryuu's hair was not that long, and it was more curly than that, and darker. And wasn't he a bit taller? The figure's pants weren't camouflaged like Ryuu's were, and the jacket wasn't Ryuu's leather one.

_-That sure is an odd jacket.- _What kind of coat was that, anyway? Green, faded, worn, with a multitude of pockets on the front. _-It looks...like mine.-_

Kuonji Ukyou, strong, powerful, handsome. Walking along an endless stretch of dull gray road, untired, uncaring, her spark of life flickered out, fallen on cold iron. Walking forever, waiting for the journey to end at death's door.

_-Is that the future that awaits me?- _she wondered bleakly, detached, staring. Somehow, she couldn't quite bring herself to care.

She kept walking, for what seemed to be an eternity. One foot in front of the other, trudging through the snow and the sludge, the cold burning through her, filling her with an odd sort of satisfaction. She was both deep in thought and devoid of thought, her mind elsewhere, lost. And she kept walking.

By the time she stopped, the snow had ceased, and the wind howled a little less. She stood, then, staring at nothing, half-frozen, at peace. The sky had cleared, and the night had completely fallen, now. There was no trace of the sun left.

She looked around. Funny, this place looked familiar; she didn't recall walking any particular direction. _-Hm. Wonder where I am. I should be hopelessly lost, by now...-_

Oh. _-The Ucchan.-_ Of course.

She stared at the interior through the window; it was as dark inside the restaurant as it was out on the street. Darker. There was a quietness about the place that she didn't like, and she suddenly decided that she didn't feel like going home tonight. She was almost able to bring herself to envy Ryouga, who could get lost in a second. _-He sure wouldn't have problems with finding a place that he didn't want to find,- _she mused dryly.

Then she noticed it. There was something, someone, sitting on the roof of the Ucchan, a dark shadow against a black sky, utterly still and silent. For a moment, she entertained a thought that it was Ryuu again, but the shape, the build was all wrong. Who else...

Konatsu.

She sighed. What was he doing on the roof? She was about to call out to him, but stopped as she realized that he wouldn't be able to hear her, not from down here, over the whistle of the wind.

_-Well, I suppose I better tell him to get down,- _she figured, rolling her eyes slightly as she tightened her leg muscles then leapt, landing easily, silently on the roof. Her years of martial arts training had, if nothing else, improved her jumping ability immensely.

He didn't turn towards her as she approached him. He was dressed in his old, patched black ninja outfit, ragged and beaten, and he was staring at the clear night sky.

"Konatsu."

When he didn't respond, she grumbled slightly. "Konatsu, what are you doing on the roof?" Glancing at his clothing, she added, "And aren't you cold?"

He shook his head. He had long hair; longer than hers. "The cold's never really bothered me," he responded, turning to her and smiling cheerfully. "I guess I'm used to it; I never had blankets or anything while I was living with my stepsisters."

She didn't say anything, so he pointed to the sky. "Look at the moon. Isn't it beautiful?" It was just a tiny sliver in the sky, a gleaming silvery shard.

She shrugged, glancing at it. "I...guess so," she responded, kneeling down beside him, her legs tired from her long walk. "I've never really thought about it."

Konatsu stared at the far-off crescent, his eyes unfocused. "There's lots of legends about the moon, that I've heard. One man told me that the full moon could make a man into a werewolf, if he wasn't careful. Some people think that a new moon's a curse, that without the light in the sky the darkness'll take them. I've even heard that we sent a man to the moon, once." He sighed. "I used to think if it as the night's eye, you know. Like some ancient god in the sky, staring down at me, watching everything I did."

"A god, huh?" Ukyou chuckled slightly. "I'd get a little paranoid, I think."

He cracked a small smile. "He was a benign god."

She looked up into the dark sky, at the moon. "Like a guardian angel?"

He nodded. "Yeah...like a guardian angel, watching over me. I think he must have been, to send me a person like you, Ukyou-sama."

_-A guardian angel...- _She sighed. _-I could sure use one of those in my life.-_

Konatsu glanced at her, worried. "Are you okay, Ukyou-sama? You don't look happy."

She nodded. "Yeah, I'm okay. Today brought a bit of...closure, maybe, to my life."

"Closure?" He sounded puzzled.

"Yeah. And some peace, I think. For me."

She was grateful when he didn't probe any further. Instead, he smiled. "I'm happy for you, Ukyou-sama."

She also smiled, faintly. "Thanks, Konatsu."

Neither of them said anything for a bit, both staring at the night sky, immersed in their own thoughts.

"How often do you come up here?" Ukyou asked, suddenly.

He shrugged. "Not so often, really." He gazed at the darkness, the huge black dome overhead. "The lights of the city block out the stars, you know. I used to lie out late at night, in the wilderness where the old tea shop was, and watch the stars. So many stars; a million little points of light, scattered across the sky. Like...like fireflies. The fireflies in heaven." He grinned a little embarrassedly at that, staring at the sky, imagining the banner of stars that he'd known before he'd come to Nerima.

She turned from gazing at the moon and looked at him; he was calm, cheerful and happy as he lay back in his worn old ninja suit, watching the sky, tracing the invisible stars in his mind. He was so...peaceful.

She let out a long breath quietly, feeling an odd sort of affection for her effeminate assistant. She grasped his slender hand gently, and he looked at her, startled.

"Ukyou-sama...?"

She smiled at him. Somehow, sitting on the cold roof with Konatsu, she felt a strange sort of reassurance seep through her. Ranma was lost to her, and she knew that thinking of him would hurt her for years to come, but finally, that portion of her life had ended. Chasing after Ranma, falling in love with Ranma, playing the part of his 'cute' fiance, all of it was, at long last, over. Ranma had chosen.

She felt at peace for the first time in years.

END

Author's notes:

Well, it seems like every Ukyou fan has to write at least one introspective Ukyou-centered story. I guess this is mine, and here's hoping you didn't find it too much like a rerun.

A hearty, very grateful thanks to my prereaders Doug Wood, Troy Williams, and Jonathan Tarot. This fic would be a lot worse without their advice. Also to Chris Davies, Jason "J-ryu", Kayu-chan, Parahawk, Dark Alpha, and D.F. Roeder from the FFML for throwing comments my way.

Comments and criticism are welcome, as always!


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